Fakin' it until I make it..and update

Phew...I've been gone awhile, and the scale shows it! I'm up...yikes...7 pounds! Needless to say, weighing was not a fabulous experience. So, I absolutely, positively, HAVE to get back on track. No ifs, ands, or buts. It is going to be hard, no doubt, but I've done it before and I can do it again. I know how to do this, I do. So, one meal at a time, one bite at a time, I'm going to do it.

Right now I feel panicky and out of control, but I'll fake it until I make it! Truthfully, I HAVE been out of control. Confession: I ate not one fruit or vegetable yesterday. How sick is that?? That's ok, though. I won't beat myself up, I'll just put myself on the right track and keep on truckin'. This morning started off with a yummy spinach smoothie. I brought some high fiber cereal and grapes for a snack, a low cal lunch, and dinner will be Pam's YUMMY baked falafel. Sounds yummy and low cal. Back to tracking my calories on sparkpeople and posting here! I've missed all of you! (I hope there are some of you left reading this!)

In other news, I've been having shoulder pain for about 4 months. It's been getting increasingly worse, but I'm not a big fan of the doctor. Finally, I gave in and went and he sent me to physical therapy. Then it got a lot worse. So, I had an MRI last week and I'm waiting for the results. The doctor thinks I tore my rotator cuff, but I have NO idea how I would have done that. I can't remember an injury. Ibuprofen works during the day but at night, wow, it hurts. I see and orthopedic doc this week. Hopefully we'll get on the road to recovery soon.

Hope all is well in blogland.

I'm still here.

A hundred times I've started to write a post, but I don't have much to say. I'm still really struggling. Every day has been a "new start." Hopefully, today is the "new start" that sticks. That being said, I'm reading all of your blogs and cheering you all on!

Great Giveaway!

Hey all! Check out Jen's blog for a great giveaway!

http://jenslosinit.blogspot.com/2010/09/jay-robb-giveaway.html

Friend Makin' Mondays!!!

Hi all! I'm back! Seriously, I am. This time, it's for real. Seriously...I mean it. I DO!

In order to hop right back into regular blogging, I thought I participate in Friend Makin' Mondays hosted by Kenz at All The Weigh. Check her out if you haven't already! This is my first FMM. If you'd like to participate, copy and paste the quetions below in your own post and then go to Kenz's blog and link up :) Here go the questions:

Health and Body Image

1) If you could magically change one thing about your body, what would it be? My weight? Ha! Is that too obvious? If I had to pick one feature, I'd say my arms. I'd love to feel comfortable wearing tank tops and cute sleeveless dresses, but I just don't.

2) What is your best physical feature? How sad is it that my first reaction to this was that I don't have one. I'm working on that whole loving yourself issue. I do think I have pretty eyes, though, so we'll go with that.

3) Do you weigh yourself daily? Hourly? Weekly? Bi-weekly? Never? Daily, usually multiple times. It's not a healthy habit.

4) Do you workout regularly? If so, how does if affect you from day to day? In all honesty, I go through cycles where I'm really "into" working out and I do it a lot. Then, the excitement wanes and I don't work out at all. I'm still in slug mode as I type this. The thing is I feel SO much better when i'm exercising.

6) If you could look like a celebrity, who would you choose to look like? This is a hard one. Probably Anne Hathaway, I think she's classically beautiful.

7) What do you do to make yourself feel pretty/handsome? I usually feel great every time I get my hair done. Also, there are those one or two outfits that I have that make me feel fabulous.

8) What are you most attracted to in the opposite sex? Smarts and a sense of humor are a must.

9) Have you ever avoided situations because you didn't want people to see your body shape? More times than I can count. I've missed many a pool party, beach trip, concert, etc. because I didn't want to be seen. Lately, though, I've been making an effort at just taking a deep breath and going places anyway, and I'm learning that we all have our hangups, no matter what our size.

10) How do you feel about your overall appearance? Not super. As I lose weight I feel better, but I have the very bad habit of looking at old pictures when I was skinnier and realizing how cute I looked. I never realize it in the moment. Just like Kenz, I'm working on this one.

Ok blog buddies, your turn! Tag, you're it! Don't forget to go back to Kenz's blog and link up so we can all learn about you!

I'm still here and new recipes!

Hi blog friends!

I'm still here!! I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Things are ok, I'm not totally in control, but also not totally out of control. I'm maintaining, and with the craziness that is my life right now, I'm ok with that. Even though I haven't commented much, I've been keeping up with all of you through your blogs.

Because my family is a little tired of what I cook all the time, I've been branching out and trying new recipes. Let me just say...YUM!!! First, I loved the show "Next Food Network Star," and I LOVE Aarti, I'm so glad she won! Her recipes really intrigue me, because I love Indian spices but I'm not always certain how to incorporate them into our daily dishes. So far, I've tried her massaged kale salad, bombay sloppy joes, and mango bbq pulled pork. Each of these dishes was DIVINE. Seriously. The kale salad was so light and yummy, a total surprise since I didn't expect to like it. The recipe is an added bonus because kale is SOOO good for you. The bombay sloppy joes were spicy, sweet, and totally tasty. The mango bbq pork, however, was the absolute best. My whole family loved it and ate it right up. If you have a chance, try out her recipes! Sorry there are no pictures, I'll do better!

Also, Tami over at Nutmeg Notebook posted a mexican chicken salad recipe that I had to try. Rave reviews at our house. I thought that I had made enough for dinner and lunches for a few days, but, alas, no leftovers! Seriously, this salad is GOOD!

Anyone out there have any yummy new recipes to try?

Whirlwind

Life. It's been a whirlwind lately. It feels like absolutely everything is out of control. My oldest started Kindergarten and, although he loves it, there are growing pains. My youngest is having a very tough time that his brother is not at preschool with him. There have been a lot of tears. My husband is out of town, so a lot of this i've dealt with on my own.

Eating has not been perfect, still. One of the few things I can control and I'm NOT controlling it. Now, I'm not bingeing and eating everything in sight, but, I'm doing a lot of mindless eating. Tracking is a thing of the past, and I have not moved at all in months now, probably. My emotions are everywhere, and anxiety is running high. The good news is, the husband gets home tonight and I can carve out a little more me time. Running always makes me happier and I feel more in control, so I see a run in my future.

Right now this craziness is so overwhelming. There are so many things that I need to do that I'm just not doing anything. I've just plopped myself down in the middle of a storm and I'm watching it all go by.

So, it's time to set out some goals for the week: track every bite, starting today; run three times; set out some individual time with each child; go on a date with hubby. All of these things will make me feel better, and will be better for my family.

Just like that little engine....

I'm starting to regain some control! Yesterday was not perfect, it was bunco night and I let bunco "snacks" be dinner (and probably too much dinner at that), but my food choices were better. Slowly I'm starting to feel just like the little blue engine. I think I can do this, I think I can do this! I think I can, I think I can!

Thank you, sweet blog friends, for the comments and emails about my last post. It's amazing to me how kind and supportive people that I've never "met" can be. Your comments and emails were so very comforting! It helps to know that people understand what it's like to have such a disasterous relationship with food. All of your posts, your successes and your setbacks, inspire me!

We are all chugging away together on this weight loss journey and pretty soon we'll be saying, "I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could!"