Friday, April 8, 2011

I'm scared.

Not about weight loss....ok, that's a lie, I am scared about weight loss, about not losing weight no matter how hard I try, and about losing weight and not finding happiness along the way. Today, though, I'm scared about my health. Yesterday was follow-up #2 with the orthopedist for my shoulder. It still hurts.....bad. I'm at the same level of pain I had before the surgery and I was really hoping yesterday would bring some answers. I did not like what I heard, however. The doctor said that there is "nothing structurally wrong" with my shoulder, and he thinks maybe there's an auto-immune issue going on, specifically mentioning thyroid and rheumatoid arthitis. He ordered some labs and I should know more next week. I'm terrified of what I might find out as a result of those tests, and I'm terrified that I won't find out anything and this pain won't go away. I'm also a little mad...or...a lot mad, at myself for letting my body get this way.


  1. I'm on a similar journey to yours. I read back through your blog and don't see your starting weight listed anywhere but I think I can see from your target BMI and pounds to lose that you and I are about at the same stage. I started at 235 pounds and worked my way down to 202.5 (it took 26 weeks because although I tried hard, there were those weeks that just threw a wrench into everything). Anyway, then my husband came home from deployment, the holidays rolled around, the teenager threw me into one stressful eating binge after another and up I went to 213. I'm working back way back down again but it is hard. I love to eat, bake, cook, eat out, eat, bake, cook, eat out and hate to exercise. I'm trying my darnedest to get those four bottles of water down everyday. It's a lifelong battle and I just have to take it one day at a time.

    Ok, enough of my rambling. I found out quite by chance that I had a thyroid issue. I had no clue, no real symptoms, but the numbers showed up on a routine lab and I've been popping one of those thyroid pills every day since then. If that's what comes up on your tests, it's a simple fix. The auto-immune issue I haven't heard of but I am sure that your doctor will have a remedy for it. No matter what, I know that getting within a reasonable weight can have nothing but a good impact on your health and your life in general. I feel so much better twenty pounds lighter and I look forward to being thirty, fifty, seventy pounds lighter. I know it's not going to happen overnight but as you say, keep your eye on the prize and know that there are many others out here in the blogsphere who are on this journey with you.

  2. Good luck with the test results. Keeping my fingers crossed that it's nothing serious. xoxoxo


  3. I never THOUGHT of that, Court....thyroid does explain a lot! My sister has thyroid issues, and a lot of the things that you've gone through, they're similar to hers. It's good you're getting it looked at. I hope everything turns out well! By the way, read MY blog every once in a while :(

  4. Thinking of you ... I hope everything turns out ok..