Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Coming clean

It's time to come clean. Yet again, I've let myself get out of control. You can see by my calorie counts the last week that I haven't exactly been keeping to "the plan." Granted, I haven't strayed far, and I never binged, but I made poor food choices that resulted in much higher calorie counts this past week. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Every time I have a little weight loss "success," I blow it. This time, several people mentioned that they could see that I had lost weight and *boom* I'm overeating again.

There's nothing to do but gather myself up and keep going. So, that's the plan :) There is definitely a silver lining to this, though. Looking at my calorie counts, they are still much better than even my good days before I changed my eating habits. My worst day this month I took in a little over 2100 calories. That's bad. But, when I was making poor food choices, eating out a lot, and generally not caring about my intake, I would have taken in much more than that. Of course, I didn't track then, so I don't have a comparison but here's a comparison of my typical "before" day and my worst day this month.

Bruegger's bagel w/ cream cheese
Coffee with half and half (~520 cals)
Turkey sandwich w/ mayo and cheese
Chips (~950 cals)
Cheezits (320 cals)
Spaghetti w/ meat sauce
2 slices garlic cheese bread (900 cals)

Total: 2690; No exercise

"After" worst day

Cheese grits (335)
Happy meal (670)
Dinner at inlaws: steak, corn, roll, potatoes, beans (675)
Snacks: light english muffin pizza, pretzels, sf pudding (492)

Total: 2171 calories; Walked three miles

So, there you have it. I have confessed my worst eating day this month (and it's horrendous now that it's in print. I'm going to have to MAKE myself publish this post) compared with a relatively "good" day before starting to change my eating habits. My worst day is still 500 calories better than my "good" day before and there was exercise. So, I guess I'm making progress, slowly but surely.

The other good news is that, with all that eating, I still lost a pound this week. It's only a pound, but I'll take it.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Someone noticed!!!

Just a quick little post to tell you all that someone noticed my weightloss! Yay!!! That is THE best feeling. I've been a little bummed, because I don't see a difference, but three different people have said something now. That's such motivation.

Bad news: I indulged in a scoop of ice cream with strawberries and hot fudge sauce today. It was heavenly. Looks like lettuce and water are on the menu for tonight' dinner.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Blog Award!!

1. Thank the person who gave this to you. Thanks, Jen! You're awesome :)
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you. http://jenslosinit.blogspot.com/
4. Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
I'm fluent in three languages.
I once had to sneak across the border of a European country.
I have 10 brothers and sisters.
I've been arrested twice.
I was an extra in a movie.
5. Nominate seven "Creative Writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post the links to the seven blogs you nominate. Above!
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs telling them that you nominated them.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

But I love these pants!

Have you ever had that one article of clothing that you just love? The thing that you put on and it makes you feel happy? I have a pair of black pants that I wear to work. I love them. I think they're super comfy and cute. I probably wear them twice every week.

The problem is....they're too big :) FINALLY, I'm seeing a difference in my clothes!!! 17 pounds later and it seems like I'm finally seeing some serious body results. It's very uplifting. I do LOVE these pants, though. I keep wearing them, anyway! I need to look into some replacement comfy pants.

So, I suppose a downside of losing weight is saying goodbye to old favorites, food and clothes. That's ok, though, the smaller sizes and nutritious food are a better value!

Sorry for not updating lately, I've been staying "on track" eating-wise. Not so great in the exercise department, but I'm making baby steps.

A friend and I are seriously considering tackling this:


Do you think I'm crazy? I may be crazy....

Friday, March 19, 2010

Dusting myself off

Ok, after my whine fest I picked myself up, or rather you guys helped me pick myself up. I'm dusting myself off and setting some real goals. It is time to get serious! Just so you all know, even after my pour poor pitiful me party, I did not blow my calorie goals. Yay! Some days were in the high part of my intended calorie range, but still within the range.

One thing I've been slowing realizing is that my couch to 5k program isn't working for me. At my current weight, I run much slower than the pace I think they had in mind when they wrote the program. As a result, I wasn't going as far as I thought I should go in one session and it was discouraging. Now, I'm not bashing C25k, I love it, but I found a different program that I think might suit me better.

After checking out what's worked for others, I found this training program
off of the Body By Pizza blog. What I love about this program is that you start off going the whole distance, and you train your body to run more and walk less as the weeks progress. It is a shorter program, though, so I need to give myself permission to repeat weeks if need be. So, that being said, this weekend I'm going to start the program, yay!

My goals:

1. COMPLETE the 5k training program, meaning run every training session as scheduled. I want to be able to RUN (and by RUN I mean jog slowly) a whole 5k. This is important to me, it's something I've wanted to do for a long time.

2. Stay within my calorie range (1400-1800) every day.

3. Introduce my family to more whole grains and less white flour. This will be met with much resistance.

4. Drink 8-12 glasses of water per day. I'm really bad about this one and not consistent at all.

So, do any of you run/walk with preschoolers? I'd like to take my boys out with me (sometimes) and introduce them to exercise as a part of daily life. The problem is, they won't go that far and my jogging stroller isn't big enough for them. Does anyone have a jogging stroller that works with older kids? Have any other thoughts?

OOH! I almost forgot. I have a new favorite meal :) I forgot to take a picture of it, but basically it's just a few slices of polenta (from the refrigerated section at the store, near the tofu), grilled and topped with marinara and parmasean cheese. It's YUMMY and around 240 calories. I'll try to get a picture soon, but it's fabulous :)

Ok, ONE more thing, my scale is freaking out on me. I get on and it varies by 10lbs. Watching the numbers going up and down is enough to ignite a panic attack (ok, so that was slightly dramatic). This only reinforces my severe scale addiction!

Hope everyone is doing fabulously!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Project Spread the Love

Over at her blog, Pam has started an awesome project. "Project Spread the Love" is a way for bloggers who are on this bumpy journey to get support they need from the blog world. Essentially, if there is a blogger that you feel needs some support, or you yourself need extra support, you can email the blog link to Pam and she'll post it on her blog. If you want to offer extra support to those who need it, you can visit Pam's site for the list. She explains it much better than I can. Here's her post on the subject:

Project Spread the Love

Goodness knows we all need extra support now and again!

I'm tired.

No, not the sleepy kind of tired. Well, actually, yes, I *am* that kind of tired, but what I really am is mentally exhausted and very frustrated. I feel like I'm working hard at losing weight and seeing no results. I know I've had slip ups lately, but even my worst slip up is a million times better than I WAS eating. I mean, seriously, my worst calorie day this month has been in the 1900s, that was a fabulous day before.

The worst part of it all is that it seems like this weight loss journey is the focus of my thoughts all the time. It really is mentally exhausting to be constantly thinking/worrying/obsessing over food choices, calorie limits, and the number on the scale. I'm frustrated because, while I know this is never going to be easy, is it ever going to get any easier? Will it always such a struggle? Am I always going to be hungry? I am always hungry!

Part of this frustration comes from the scale this morning (UP 0.5lbs!) but this has been going on for awhile. The results or lack thereof are getting to me. Perhaps I need to copy Lisa and break up with my scale. The problem is, when I've done that in the past I've gained because without seeing the results of slip ups, I tend to have more. I don't know. I feel lost, tired, and frustrated.

You know what? I also feel embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that my addiction is plain for the world to see. Take one look at me and it's obvious that food is my issue. That's not true with many other addictions. On the outside those with substance abuse aren't obvious, but with food addiction it's plain as day, and I'm embarrassed.

Last night I went for a run and with the time change it was much lighter than it had been when I normally set off to pound the pavement. I found myself wanting to turn back a lot and feeling embarrassed when I passed other exercisers. My thoughts were consumed by what they must be thinking by this extremely red-faced, sweaty, fat girl trying to run. The good news is, I didn't turn back, but it was not an enjoyable experience.

Wow, after a reread of this post I realize how whiny I sound and how much I need to get it together. Sorry to be a debbie downer.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Checking in and a new favorite

Hi all! Sorry about the lack of posting/updating last week. It was just a crazy week at work! As far as eating goes, I did ok. Not great. I had two days where I had large calorie allowances going into dinner and we splurged. I though I was making ok choices, but they tended not to be so great. If I'm being honest, I let myself make poor choices. The good news is, this is a journey and I'm learning and growing (and hopefully shrinking) along the way. The bad news is, the scale is looking mighty mean this week. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in.

Yesterday I created the best lunch ever. YUM! One of my favorite "bad choices" is chicken wings. Funny enough, it's not so much the fried chicken part that I like but the buffalo and ranch or blue cheese mix. Every time I drive past the wing place I think about how yummy it would taste. So, I decided I needed a substitute. At the grocery store I picked up Joseph's Lavash Bread. It's yummy, HUGE, and a whole loaf clocks in at 100 calories with 6 grams of fiber. On that I spread 1T of ranch dressing and 2 tsp of pepper sauce. I topped that with sliced buffalo chicken breast from the deli and a large amount of baby lettuces. I wrapped that baby up and took a bite. Heaven, I tell 'ya. Heaven that clocked in at 281 calories. That number could be reduced by using less chicken and reduced fat ranch. I thought I had purchased the lower fat dressing but I grabbed the wrong bottle. If you like buffalo chicken, this is a treat! I'm having it for lunch again today.

Also, on Saturday we took the boys out for a day at the park and dinner. We played and went to Subway for a cheap and relatively healthy dinner. Recently, the armpit of Florida got a new Fro-yo joint, which is next to the subway, so we checked it out. This place is awesome! It's real frozen yogurt, not the sugar laden, tastes like ice cream stuff, but real yogurt. They display their nutritional information right at the entrance. 4oz of yumminess was 120 calories. It's also self-serve with lots of toppings, some scary in the nutritional department, but they also had fresh fruit! Yum! I had the room left in my calorie allowance so I indulged. I had coconut yogurt topped with fresh strawberries, kiwi, and blackberries for a yummy dessert that was just over 200 calories. Here it is:

That's a bowl full of yumminess, I tell ya ;)

So, I have some things to say about how I'm feeling in this journey, but that's a different post. Look for it coming soon :)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Coming soon..........

Sometime long ago a man in my life told me that the sexiest place on a woman is her clavicles, or collar bones. For the life of me, I can't remember WHO said it or what my relationship with him was, but for some reason, this has stuck with me for awhile. What's funny is, I don't know if I agree or disagree, I've never spent much time thinking about what makes other women sexy, but I've often thought about this man's idea of "sexy."

Perhaps his perspective bothered me so much because my clavicles haven't seen the light of day for many years. I'm sure that I HAVE clavicles, it's just that they've been covered by fluffiness for so long that I haven't actually seen them in awhile. But, I tend to check for mine daily. I had yet to see any solid proof that they exist, until recently. Seems that I have developed little "indents" above where those sneaky collar bones should be! Maybe they are going to make an appearance!

It seems exceedingly silly to admit all this to the blog world, but, to me, him saying that was a defining moment. Although, I can't remember much about the circumstances surrounding the conversation, I distinctly remember thinking, well...guess I'll never be sexy. Anyone who has struggled with weight issues will know the feeling. You know, the one that feels like someone punched you in the gut because you just realized one more way that your weight serves as a barrier between you and the rest of the world?

There have been several of those moments in my life. Once, when I was around 15, I was laying in the floor while my family watched TV. I was reading or doing homework, or something and a family member was looking at me. When I looked up he said that I really was getting fat and that men don't love fat women. It was such a blow. In fact, I'm pretty sure that was one of the moments where I learned not to love myself and that I was unworthy of anyone else's love. This is really something that I have to work on. Getting to the emotional reasons behind my issues with weight is really the only way that I can really be successful.

Wow, this post just became much deeper than I originally intended and I think I need to marinate on it. Although it's a little scary, i'm going to publish this anyway.

Anyway, coming attractions include, my clavicles! :)

A Weigh Day Yay!

This morning I was a little reluctant to step on the scale, given Sunday's disaster, but, I took a deep breath and stepped on only to discover a 5lb loss! Yay! That's certainly uplifting. It also made me really happy that I hit my calorie goals yesterday, so hopefully Sunday's misstep was only that.

The bad news is, I didn't get a run in yesterday. I was doing really well at running every other day but last night I was just exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally. With work stress, sick children, and some family drama going on, I was done. So, I'm going to have to hit the pavement tonight big time. I really want to push past the two mile mark.

I've probably said this before, but I'm doing the couch to 5k program. Right now I'm running week 5, but I've been running week 5 day 1 for awhile. I need to take it further and push myself. It's really funny, in a sad sort of way, but every time I hit a day where I will have to run longer I think that I won't be able to do it. It's an awesome feeling when I DO finish, though. So, tonight I'm going to try to run week 5 day 2, which brings longer runs. Now that I've said it here, I have to! :) Ya'll keep me accountable! I want to be in better shape before the weather turns hot, humid, and nasty here in the armpit of Florida!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Lunch or Holy Moly!

So, I mentioned in my last post that my little one is sick. He's been running a fever for a few days and feels pretty miserable. This morning my grandparents kept him for me because I had a meeting that I needed to attend. He wanted to stay all day with them, but they had doctor's appointments this afternoon and it's a lot for them to watch him for a whole day. So, the plan was that I'd pick him up from their house during my lunch hour and then meet my husband who'd take him home for the rest of the day. Hubby and I decided to meet for lunch at my favorite local stir fry place.I LOVE it because you can choose healthy veggies, lean proteins, ask for them to use little oil, and they offer brown rice.

C, my oldest kiddo, and I met hubby and we ordered our lunch. The restaurant just started offering quinoa as a starch option. Because I'd heard all about how good for you it is, I opted for that instead of rice, thinking it was a good calorie choice. So, while my food was cooking, I entered my lunch choice into sparkpeople. I almost fainted when I saw the nutritional information for quinoa. 640 calories for a cup?!?! EEEK! Holy Moly! My bowl (which I never finish, because it's huge) probably had at least 2 cups, at least. I was freaking out. But, determined not to let the calorie limit take another hit, I ate half of it. My selection today was quinoa, chicken, broccoli, napa cabbage, and onions with ginger sauce. It was YUM.

Turns out, that must be the nutritional information for 1 cup of uncooked quinoa, because some googling when I got back to my office gave me much better numbers. :) This is awesome, now I can actually eat dinner tonight. I'm still calling it a victory because I evaluated my choice BEFORE I ate it, and ate enough to be full but not stuffed and not kill the calorie budget. Yay!

Because we had C with us, who, as I said before, isn't eating much, I thought I'd ask about the dessert options. Poor kiddo has a sore throat and I thought maybe they'd have ice cream or something cold that would feel good on his throat. The only dessert option was this:

Yes, my friends, this is a twinkie. A twinkie that, apparently, wasn't nasty enough on its own, it needed to be battered, deep fried, sprinkled with powdered sugar and topped with something that, I believe, is supposed to resemble strawberry sauce. Ew. I'm sure you're wondering why I have a picture of it....

That picture is courtesy of my husband, who decided we needed it. I can't comment on how it tastes because I didn't taste it. Deep fried nastiness was not on my menu today. Hubby insisted that it was yummy, but I noticed that he only took two bites. Isn't it odd that a restaurant with relatively healthy options offers this as its only dessert?

***One a side note, I just noticed Sean is following me! A celebrity blogger and weight loss rock star is following me! I feel like the time I met Mark Paul Gosselaar in Rome (you know, Zach, from Saved By The Bell). (And, by met, I mean stared at him while I hid because I was too shy to get close. Now, my friends from the trip have a picture with him and I have one too, I'm just not IN it.) I will stop acting like a 12 year old girl now.

I lost it

Yesterday, I lost it. There's no other explanation. I just lost it. I lost it and I binged and now I have to 'fess up. It started off easily enough, I had a cup of blueberry cobbler coffee, which is exactly as gross as it sounds, and a clif mojo bar. Not bad, not bad at all.

Later, my MIL took the kids for the day, so hubby and I decided to go out for lunch together. He suggested my most favorite Mexican place. This is the point where I should have said no, but, I didn't. Here's the kicker. I agreed to that restaurant pretty much knowing what would happen. I agreed KNOWING that it would lead to a binge and a busted calorie day. Agreeing, I gave myself permission for a binge. Why? Why would I do that?

Instead of ordering quesadillas w/ guacamole, chips, salsa and cheese dip, like I used to do, I did a little better and ordered grilled chicken tacos, hold the cheese, add pico. Not bad, right? Even better is that I ate only ONE taco. Of course, I only ate one taco because I had pretty much eaten my weight in chips and salsa.

We picked up the kids and took them home. My oldest has been sick and has eaten next to nothing for a few days so we told him he could pick whatever he wanted for dinner. He picked pizza. You see where this is going, right? I decided that I'd order myself a personal veggie pizza to avoid the meat. I did, and I ate that. The boys then wanted to make cake....so, we did and, well, I ate that. I also snacked on their stuffed pizza crust. All total, sparkpeople says I ate almost 2000 calories. I wouldn't be surprised if it was really more.

There is no question, I was completely and totally out of control. It was a nightmare. I wasn't even hungry, I was just eating because it was there. Today I paid the price. The scale was up higher than it has been the last few days, I feel gross, all bloated and icky, and I'm craving junk. Today, though, I have to fight it. Get it back into gear. The inner voices are saying, "you already blew it, just forget it." But, I can't. I can't forget it. My health and my life with my family is too important.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

New Faves!

So, I have a couple of new favorite things, I thought I'd share. First, thanks to Jen, I have developed a love of this:

It is SO yummy. I've had it with some 1% milk and bananas, and I also eat it plain, to munch on when I get the 3:00 hungries. It tastes great, and has a good dose of fiber, which is really filling. Thanks, Jen, for the tip. You're totally right, it DOES taste like cinnamon toast crunch. :) Here's the nutritional info:

NUTRITION FACTS Serving Size: 3/4 cup Calories: 110Total Fat: 1.5 grams, 2%Saturated Fat: 0 grams, 0%Sodium: 80 mg, 3%Protein: 4 grams Carbohydrates: 24 grams Fiber: 5 grams, 18%Sugar: 5 grams

Also, I'm in love with FLATOUT's artisan flatbread. Every morning I've been eating it as cheese toast. I rip the two "circles" apart and toast them in the toaster. Then, I put a thin slice of American cheese on each. Each slice of cheese is really thin, less than 3/4 of an ounce, so it's not bad calorie wise. I put that under the broiler for a few minutes and presto! Breakfast! It's fast, easy, yummy, and very filling. The flatbread has 8g of fiber, so that keeps me going for awhile. Here's a picture of my latest yumminess. It tastes better than it looks!

Here's the nutrition info:

Nutrition Facts Serving Size: 1 Amount per Serving Calories 100 Calories from Fat 30 Total Fat 3g Saturated Fat 0g Cholesterol 0mg Sodium 420mg Potassium 0mg Total Carbohydrate 17g Dietary Fiber 8g Sugars 1g Protein 9g

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

You are cordially invited....

You are invited to a party!! It's my pity party. Please bring your own kleenex and cheese (you know...to go with my whine).

Today was weigh-in day. Since I weigh EVERY day, I had an idea what to expect. I expected a measly little 1.0lb loss. That was a bummer. That is, until I actually stepped on the scale to a......**drumroll please** (This is very dramatic, considering the results are already on the blog, I have a flair for drama this morning)............a 1.0lb GAIN! AAAAaaaaaaaannnndddd, there went my mood for the rest of the day. Even my three-year old asked me why I was a "crankmeister."

Realistically, I know that I didn't really gain 2lbs since yesterday, it's probably water or something. Still...I should have lost more this week. If I'm being totally honest with myself and all four of my followers (you know I love ya'll), I've slipped a little. Calories have been a little higher, and I've been nibbling and then "guesstimating" calories later. That's probably the issue right there. I have to clean it up.

The really frustrating thing is, this is the week I added exercise! I ran/walked 2 miles three times this week. Grrr...

Ok, I'm going to get it together and fight the urge to drown my sorrows in queso and chips at the local mexican place.