Monday, June 28, 2010

It's 99.9999% mental

This weight loss's 99.9999% mental. At least with me it is. My brain knows exactly what to do to get the weight, eat less, move more. Simple, right? No, not really. The mind games that I play with myself are taxing and exhausting, so why do I keep playing?

One of the big reasons that I want to get the weight off is better health. I'm on a lot of blood pressure medicine and I want OFF of it. Last week I had a doctor's appointment and I happened to mention that I was getting dizzy when I stand up. The appointment was over and I just offhandedly mentioned it. I need to learn not to do that. After a few blood pressure readings in various positions, the doctor determined that it was actually too low and that I was dehydrated. So, he took me off of one of the medicines! Yay, right?! He took me off of the diuretic. You'd think that this would make me happy, wouldn't you? It does, in the sense that it means my health is improving, but....

You see, now the scale is up. The scale is up almost 5 pounds! 5 pounds! Did you read that?? 5 pounds! Now, my head knows that this is water weight because i'm no longer getting rid of fluid because of the water pill. My head knows that I still have the same amount of fat loss as before he took me off the medicine. The problem is, this "gain" (you know, the one that's not really a gain) is really doing a number on my head game. I had almost reached a new mini-goal. Now i'm 5 pounds further away from it. The number on the scale feels like a kick to the stomach. The thing is, I can't let this derail me. I have to win the head games once and for all!

On a side note, I ran this weekend after weeks of being a slug! I went 2.5 miles, and it was fabulous. I've really missed the running time. However, if your doctor tells you that you are dehydrated, probably NOT the best idea to go running in 99 degree weather without hydrating first...i'm just saying.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Deb's Challenge!!

Hey all :) This is going to be a super fast post because this week is crazy busy! I wanted to let everyone know about Deb's fabulous Freedom Challenge! It starts on July 4 and I'm in :) Check out her blog for all the details!
Hope all is well in bloggy world.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Recipe Review-Orange Chicken Stir Fry

Hi all! First off, I was to thank each of you for your sweet comments yesterday. I always hesitate to post things like that because I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. At the same time, this journey is important to me and I can only be successful if I'm honest with myself and with you. I'm really trying to get to the root of the problem here, and to do that I'm going to have to let that kind of stuff out. :) Thank you for your support and for reading.

Ok, on to the recipe review! I found the following recipe on Since I'm a sucker for chinese food, especially orange chicken (you know, the kind that's usually battered and fried and has 1000 cals per serving?), I had to try this. Once again, I should have taken a picture, but forgot.

Orange Chicken Stir Fry

1 cup orange juice
1 tablespoon grated orange zest
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 teaspoon salt
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 tablespoon brown sugar
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - cut into 1 inch cubes
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup bean sprouts (optional)
1 (6 ounce) package crispy chow mein noodles

In a small bowl combine the orange juice, orange zest, soy sauce, salt, garlic and brown sugar. Mix well.
Heat oil in a large skillet or wok over medium high heat. When oil begins to bubble, add chicken. Saute until cooked through (no longer pink inside), about 7 to 10 minutes.
Add orange sauce mixture to chicken and cook until sauce begins to bubble. Add flour, a little bit at a time, until sauce has thickened to your liking. Add bean sprouts and cook for 1 minute; serve hot over chow mein noodles.

Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 524 Total Fat: 25.1g Cholesterol: 68mg

When I prepared this, I made a few changes. I used lo mein noodles instead of chow mein and I added ground ginger to the sauce. I also added onions and broccoli to the stir fry. This was good, but a little bland. If I were to make it again I'd add red chili pepper flakes for heat. I'd also add a lot more veggies for color, maybe some carrots, red peppers, green peppers, and even pea pods. I'd definitely cut the oil way down, maybe only 1 Tablespoon or none at all and use non-stick spray. I'd probably also put it over brown rice, or at least use less noodles.

Dh said it was "okay," but by the end of the night he had eaten all the leftovers. I liked it, it's a good basic recipe to start with :) Enjoy!

Monday, June 21, 2010

The dreaded swim party...and what I learned.

Well, I posted a few posts back about freaking out because my son was invited to a swim party and I didn't want to wear a swim suit, but that it turned out to be a sprinkler party. He got another one and this invite was DEFINITELY for a swim party and I was definitely going to have to get in. My 5 year old has had swimming lessons, can't quite "swim" yet, so getting in was going to be required. Cue the panic. I tried on my suit about a million times, checking from all angles for the "worst case scenario." It was pretty bad, but, I have vowed not to let my weight stop my sons from having fun. So, I put on the suit, packed a bag and set off.

We got there a tad late, and, as always, I was the heaviest one there. (Does anyone else do this? Look around to see if you're the heaviest? I ALWAYS do this). Then, I look in the bag. I forgot my t-shirt to swim in. I thought I was going to cry. There was no choice, though, the skinny, cute moms were already in the pool. When I looked around, I noticed everyone had a suit with either a skirt or shorts. Not me, mine was the most revealing! ACK! With no other choice, I just got in. I spent the whole time embarrassed and wishing it was over. The joy I felt at losing 30lbs was gone and replaced by lots of self loathing. That horribly mean inner voice of mine was on a rampage and I'm almost positive the whole experience is what led to some seriously poor eating choices. Why is it that when I feel bad about my weight I think a piece of cake will make me feel better?The good news is, my son had a good time :)

I did learn a lesson from all this. Even the skinny cute moms felt self-conscious. They were all covering what they perceived to be trouble spots. Even my good friend who is super cute, super skinny, and a runner was worried. I was not alone, although it felt like it. I'm pretty sure that nobody really cared what I looked like, and, if they did, it was fleeting. Somewhere along this path I'm going to have to learn to love myself for who I am and not what I look like or what the scale says. Now, any tips on how to do just that?

Friday, June 18, 2010

Failing to plan is planning to fail

Whew..what a couple of weeks. It's going to settle down, right? It has to! On the car accident front, we got a new car!!!!!! I am in *love* with it. We just happened in to the right dealership at the right time and got a really good deal on a car I never thought we could afford. They ended up selling it to us at a loss just to move it. It's awesome :) I'm SO glad that car shopping and car sharing are both over!

This week also marks the end of my little one's swimming lessons. They've done really well, but it has sure been hectic! I have to pick them up from school run home, feed them, get them in their suits and back across town at the pool in about 1.5 hours. It's been challenging and my eating has taken a beating. I failed to plan the meals this week which pretty much meant that I planned to fail. We have eaten out WAY too much. WAY too much, and we're not talking healthy eating out either. It makes me feel really guilty that my kids have eaten a lot of crap lately. Mommy guilt is a terrible thing! I'm vowing that we're eating IN every day next week and we're eating healthy, too.

As for me, I've tried to make the best choices possible, but, in reality, when you're eating Wendy's, pizza, etc. every night, it adds up. The scale is up, I feel icky. The other thing that I've noticed is that I eat more at night when I eat junk like that for dinner. Eating junk makes me crave more junk, which is no good. The good news is, I can fix this. I know how and knowing is half the battle! :)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Quick Update and a Blog Award!!

What a week. It started with the car accident and just went downhill. My poor little 5 year old had a fever of 104 all week with a yucky virus. Both DH and I missed a lot of work and it was tough trying to function as a one car family while trying to get everyone where they needed to be. My phone died for a day, then they totalled the car, Dh went out of town, we had birthday parties, work was nuts, etc, etc. In all honesty this past week or so has been the most stressful I've had in awhile. The good news is, while I got a tiny bit sloppy on eating, I did *not* binge. Only one time did I find myself saying, "aww, screw it, eat what you want, you deserve it!" I answered that voice with, "No, I deserve to take care of myself" and went on my way.

Weigh in today showed a small gain. I'm ok with that. Looking at my weigh-ins on my side bar, I really think that maybe my body just works that way. I lose some, lose some, gain some. Maybe it's just my loss pattern. I'm not sweating it. Speaking of sweating, I'm not sweating at all lately, no exercise still. There's no excuse for this.

In other news, Deb gave me the beautiful blogger award!!! Thanks Deb!!!

I *think* they way this works is that I tell you seven things that you didn't know about me and then award seven other bloggers. Here goes:

1. I am an advanced scuba diver.
2. I'm afraid of ET.
3. Although I'm a lawyer, I was once in a doctoral program for molecular developmental genetics.
4. I once visited 6 countries in 18 days.
5. I have never seen the original Star Wars.
6. I am emotionally allergic to mushrooms.
7. My DH and I met on the internet.

Phew, there they are, 7 facts, not very interesting ones, but facts nonetheless. ;)

On to the awards!!! The seven bloggers are:

Pam from The Rest of the Journey- Pam has been through a devastating experience. Her open, honest, and brave approach to healing is inspiring!

Jen from Jen's Losin' It-Jen has also suffered a tragedy recently and, like Pam, she's been very brave in working toward healing herself and her family.

Weight Watcher Wannabe -She posts amazing recipes and reviews of products! Plus, she has great ideas for healthy eating.

Lisa from No More Diet Drama-I really admire Lisa for her weight loss journey, she's in it not just to see the number on the scale go down, but to get to the root of the problem.

globalmom from Leaving Lap Band Land-She's got a great, practical approach to weight loss!

Jenny at Embracing A New Path-I'm new to her blog, but really enjoying catching up and following her journey!

Karen at Glass Slippers-She has her life *so* together, I'm in awe. Plus, she's studying for the bar exam!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Phew, what a day, weigh in milestone, and random thoughts

Phew! The past few days have been a whirlwind. On Monday my husband and children got into a car accident. Everyone is fine now, but it was scary. My littlest vomited afterwards so we were concerned about a head injury, so we headed off to the doctor just in case. The eldest went on to school while we handled all the towing and paperwork. Then, the oldest came home with a fever and sore throat. He's still sick, so he's going to earn himself a trip to the pediatrician too. The car, on the other hand, is not looking so hot. The back bumper and fenders are crumpled, the headlights are off, the truck is stuck open and the back windshield shattered. It's a 2004 model, so its not-so-new, and I'm really afraid that they are going to total it. Buying a new car is just not in the cards at the moment. It's possible, but not optimal.

In other news, weigh day was yesterday and I hit 30lbs lost! WhoooooHOOOOOOO!!!!! This weight is creeping off, I mean creeping off, but I'll take it! According to sparkpeople (my bible for all things weight loss), I'm on track to be below a serious milestone number by December 31, which would be AMAZING.

Ok, I need to give a couple of shoutouts. First to Deb, who left me a comment on a past post and directed me to her blog and her "football post." I thought I'd been following Deb all along, but that she just hadn't been posting much. Turns out, I wasn't following her. So, when I went over to her blog, I had catching up to do! For anyone who is struggling with weight loss right now, the football post is a must read! Thanks, Deb for posting and and directing me there when I needed it! The other cool thing is that, when I went to Deb's blog recently, I saw that she gave me a blog award!! Thanks, Deb! That was very sweet. I promise that it'll be my next post!

Also, Weight Watcher Wannabe, your guacamole recipe is AWE.SOME. I made it two days ago, and it's really really tasty. It's slightly embarrassing to admit, but the guac and some whole wheat pita chips made up my dinner Monday night. I didn't eat ALL of it, but I could! It's awesome on a morningstar farm black bean burger! Anyone who likes guac, try this!

So, there are other shoutouts that I want to do, but, seeing as I have a blog award to give out, I'll do it then :)

Friday, June 4, 2010

Recipe Review-Black Bean Cakes

Two days, two recipe reviews! I'm on a roll :) I came across this recipe for black bean cakes with salsa the other day and really wanted to try it. So, last night was the night! Here's the recipe:

Vegetarian Black Bean Cakes with Orange-Basil Salsa


2 navel oranges, separated and cut into small pieces
1 large tomato, cored and diced finely
1 scallion, sliced thin
1 tbsp fresh basil, minced
1 garlic clove, minced
1 tbsp fresh lime juice
2 tsp olive oil
1 small jalapeno pepper seeded and minced
1 dash salt

Bean Cakes
4 cups cooked black beans, rinsed and drained if canned
2 eggs
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 tbsp olive oil, plus oil for greasing pan
1 medium onion, diced finely
2 garlic cloves, minced1 celery rib, sliced thin
1 tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp salt
Liberal seasoning of freshly ground pepper

Combine all the salsa ingredients in a bowl. Let sit for at least 1 hour.Place 3 cups of the black beans in a large bowl. Process the remaining cup of beans with the eggs until smooth. Stir this mixture into the whole beans along with the bread crumbs.Heat the oil in a medium skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, and celery and saute until very tender and beginning to brown. Sprinkle on the cumin and cook 1 more minute. Scrape the vegetables into the bean mixture and add the salt and pepper. Stir to mix well. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Lightly oil a baking sheet.Using a 1/3 cup measuring cup, scoop up 12 portions of the bean mixture and place on the baking sheet. Flatten out with the scoop or your hand. Bake 10 minutes, flip and bake 10 more minutes. Serve the bean cakes with a spoonful of salsa on each. * Note, the cakes can be made in a lightly oiled skillet or pancake griddle. I have also used a Foreman grill. Number of Servings: 6

Nutritional Info: Fat: 6.1g Carbohydrates: 48.3gCalories:294.2Protein: 14.2g

I made the cakes as described in the recipe, but didn't have the stuff for the salsa, so we had salsa from a jar. The taste of the bean cakes is really really yummy. Even my "meat and potatoes" hubby liked these. The only problem is, they fall apart really easily. I'm not sure how to fix this. Maybe one of you is good at solving cooking problems? I thought maybe if I processed more of the beans they'd stick together. What do you use as a binding agent for something like this?

All in all, yummy taste, crumbly texture. This is definitely going to become a staple in my house, though, if I can fix the crumbly issue!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Recipe Review-Barefoot Contessa's Chicken Chili

Last night I made a yummy chicken chili for dinner. It was very tasty and very healthy. It's really more of a stew, though, and not very chili-like. This one is a keeper! I give it four stars :) Here's the recipe:

Barefoot Contessa's Chicken Chili

4 cups chopped yellow onions (3 onions)
1/8 cup good olive oil, plus extra for chicken
1/8 cup minced garlic (2 cloves)
2 red bell peppers, cored, seeded, and large-diced
2 yellow bell peppers, cored, seeded, and large-diced
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes, or to taste
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste
2 teaspoons kosher salt, plus more for chicken
2 (28-ounce) cans whole peeled plum tomatoes in puree, undrained
1/4 cup minced fresh basil leaves
4 split chicken breasts, bone in, skin on
Freshly ground black pepper

For serving: Chopped onions, corn chips, grated cheddar, sour cream

Cook the onions in the oil over medium-low heat for 10 to 15 minutes, until translucent. Add the garlic and cook for 1 more minute. Add the bell peppers, chili powder, cumin, red pepper flakes, cayenne, and salt. Cook for 1 minute. Crush the tomatoes by hand or in batches in a food processor fitted with a steel blade (pulse 6 to 8 times). Add to the pot with the basil. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer, uncovered, for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Rub the chicken breasts with olive oil and place them on a baking sheet. Sprinkle generously with salt and pepper. Roast the chicken for 35 to 40 minutes, until just cooked. Let cool slightly. Separate the meat from the bones and skin and cut it into 3/4-inch chunks. Add to the chili and simmer, uncovered, for another 20 minutes. Serve with the toppings, or refrigerate and reheat gently before serving.

Because I was short on time, I just boiled some boneless chicken breasts. I think next time I'll actually roast them, because the chicken needed some spices and flavor. I also upped the amount of spices called for because I *knew* my kids wouldn't eat it anyway and my husband and I like a kick to our chili. This was really good. Hubby ate three bowls! I served it with a salad and it was a very yummy and very low calorie dinner.

Here are the stats:
Serving Size 1 (534g)
Recipe makes 6 servings
Calories 250
Calories from Fat 90
Total Fat 10.0g
Cholesterol 30mg
Sodium 636mg
Potassium 1143mg
Total Carbohydrate 29.0g
Dietary Fiber 6.4g
Sugars 13.3g
Protein 14.8g

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Oh how I hate to post this...

This one's hard, but I'm going to do it because honesty is really important here. If you're tired of my "I blew it" posts, just skip this one. I honestly wish that I could.
Last night I got some bad news. Not really bad news, and not even unexpected bad news, but bad news just the same. For various reasons, I can't really say what happened, but just know that something that I wanted badly isn't going to happen. I tend not to take rejection well. I'm not taking it well this time. The news sent me into an internal downward spiral and made me question myself, my abilities, and my future. It sent me to a place that was far from pretty.

The news came right after I got home from work yesterday, from an already hard day. My DH took the kids to grandmas for awhile and he was a little slow to return. I knew it was because, on some level, he didn't want to deal with the fallout. Can't really say that I blame him. When he came back he mentioned that the kids were eating with grandma, and when I asked him if he ate there he said, "No, I figured I had to come back and eat depression stew with you." He knows me so well, he knows my reaction to rejection and he takes my disappointment about as hard as I do. So, I decided not to talk too much about it, to brush it off. After all, I expected the news, so how disappointed could I be?
So, instead of dealing with it, talking about it, and working through the yucky feelings, I did what I always do. Nibbled here and there. We ate dinner and I had more than I should. Then I had seconds. Then I had a few bites of what I fixed the kids, then I had some frozen fruit. Total calories for the day? 2300. Did I feel any better afterwards? Nope. Still don't. Actually, today is worse because the scale was ugly this morning. Again, I'm not surprised, but I'm still disappointed. Filling the hole I felt with food is not the answer. It never is.
There are things that have to happen now. I have to get it together, stay within my calorie limit, and exercise. I've been a slug lately. It's so sad.
So, I fessed up...again.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Needing a vacation.

Well, we all made it back from D.C. safe and sound. We had an amazing trip. It was great visiting family and seeing the sights. My boys thought the metro was the coolest thing they'd ever done. The only problem is, I need a vacation to recover from my vacation! Our first flight home (the one directly to Jacksonville) was cancelled so they put us on another flight with a layover in Atlanta. We boarded our flight and sat on the tarmac for an hour, then they told us that we were on a ground stop and had to get off the plane and wait. By this time my two boys were not happy campers.

After a long wait we took off and landed in Atlanta with 15 minutes to spare. We had to run across the airport carrying the kids to board the plane in time. We arrived in Jacksonville much later than planned and didn't get home until 4am Sunday. I'm STILL exhausted. So, I need a recovery vacation.

Food wise...well, I hate to come admit this, but it wasn't great. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't great. Weigh in today showed a gain of 1.4 pounds. I'm ok with it, it'll come off. The good news is that I didn't go crazy or anything, but I did enjoy sushi one night and cookout food yesterday. I'm trying to tell myself that it's part of life, enjoying food with friends, as long as you don't go overboard, and I didn't....too much. Do I sound like i'm rationalizing? Maybe I am.

Hopefully everyone had a fabulous long weekend!

Cool Giveaway at Healthy Stride

Hey all :) Just a quickie post, but there's a great giveaway going on at Healthy Stride. Check it out!