Friday, April 30, 2010
Her blog is really great. She's been wildly successful with weight loss and is now training to run a half marathon. Her story is awe inspiring. Check her out!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The reunion was something I'd been looking forward to for a really long time. I longed to see the girls from school and catch up. There were only around 65 people in my graduating class, so we were all very close and I couldn't wait to get together. There was so much planned, two parties, a class meeting, lots of gab time. I was even going to get to see a friend from high school that also went to the same college. She moved to Alaska and I hadn't seen her since college graduation.
Here's the thing. I didn't go. There were lots of reasons in my head for not attending. We were busy, I didn't want to be away from the kids, the housework needed to be done, etc, etc, etc. The real reason? Shame. My weight ballooned since college and I didn't want to face anyone. College was the one time that I actually lost quite a bit of weight. Well, since then I found it all, plus some.
Most of that weekend I moped around because I wasn't at the reunion and I'm still really upset that I didn't go. Nobody would have cared what I looked like, it would have been a wonderful weekend.
There's a lesson in all of this, it's that I can't wait until I'm at my "goal weight" (whatever THAT is) before I start living. So, it's out there now and I feel better for sharing it.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Part of what brings on days like yesterday is that I start to look ahead at where I want to be. I want to be eating whole foods, exercising daily, running 3 miles at a time, thinner, healthier. I want to not have to obsess over food choices and be able to enjoy social gatherings without wondering if I'm going to blow it. Perfection, that's what I want. The thing is, I'll never *be* perfect, except in my imperfection.
Trying to be perfect is part of my cycle of dieting. So many times I've started new plans, and boy were they ever strict. No carbs, low fat, only this food, only that food. These plans were horrid and inflexible and not at all in tune with my daily life. When life would go haywire and I'd go "off plan." Then, if I was already off plan, I'd think that I'd blown it, so I'd convince myself that I could eat what ever I wanted, which would lead to making it impossible to get back ON plan. Then I'd gain all the weight I lost back, usually plus some, and be more miserable than I was in the first place. Miserable because I had not been perfect.
Part of this journey for me is learning that it's ok to be imperfect. Flexibility and making sure that nothing is "off limits" is helping me to avoid the feeling that I've "blown" it. If I don't HAVE to be perfect, making a less than wise food choice doesn't mean that I've failed or that I'm doomed. All it means is that I have to make up for those poor choices with better choices. I can do that.
What I want remains the same, but I realize that my choices and my habits are going to have to slowly change. It's a process, a long one, but that's ok. Here are some other things that are ok:
-It's ok that I eat frozen meals for lunch some times. These are better choices than a burger and fries.
-It's ok that I don't burn 1000 calories a day exercising. It's not all or nothing.
-It's ok that I eat processed foods in general. I can work toward incorporating more whole foods slowly, so that it's a welcomed change for myself and my family.
-It's ok that I still have to shop in the "wide" section (this is a joke in my family, as I really used to think that the "W" meant wide instead of woman). I'll make it to the other side of the store again one day.
-It's ok that I drink more than just water. I'm working toward upping the water and decreasing the diet cokes.
-It's ok that sometimes I have artificial sweetener (splenda). I eat MUCH less of it now than I used to, and I'll slowly be able to eliminate it.
Here are some things that are NOT ok:
-It's NOT ok to put myself last all the time.
-It's NOT ok to fail to exercise at all.
-It's NOT ok to beat myself up.
-It's NOT ok "speak" nasty things to myself, I certainly wouldn't say horrible things to other people.
Thanks again, blog buddies!
Monday, April 26, 2010
At the same time, if I'm honest, I'm not putting in the effort that the fast losers are putting in. I have to find the motivation to exercise. I have to MAKE the time to exercise. All weekend I kept saying that I was going to go for a run, but I also had work that needed to be done and I felt guilty that my kids didn't get quality mommy time. All the pulling from other directions meant I didn't pull back for any time for myself. No excuses, I should have. Tomorrow's weigh-in won't be pretty.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
This is so exciting! My first giveaway winner! My official selection committee (which was my 5 year old who pulled a name from a hat) has informed me that the winner is:
TIFF from Project 365!! Congrats, Tiff! Email me at Clee0805@gmail.com with your address and I'll mail you the book!
For those of you that didn't win this time, no worries! I have more giveaways planned in the future!
Congrats, again, Tiff!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Also, I have to report a minor victory. This morning I woke up completely famished. It being the end of the week, our grocery stock pile is low. We literally had no bread or english muffins, I was out of clif bars, and I had no time to scramble an egg (not to mention the fact that I hate eggs). So, I decided I'd stop for breakfast on my way to work, I needed coffee anyway. Remembering that I had a Starbuck's giftcard, I decided to make a run for the 'Bucks. In the olden days (ha!) I'd have ordered a latte and a scone, which would have totalled in over 600 cals, if the latte was skinny. That's what I REALLY wanted this morning. Instead, I ordered oatmeal and a skinny iced coffee, which totalled at 329. Still much more than I budget for breakfast, usually, but not bad! Yay!!!
Finally, does anyone else ever eat at Genghis Grill? Here in the armpit of Florida, we just got a Genghis. I LOVE it. Keeping in mind that it's fast stir-fry food, it's a great option. You control what and exactly how much of everything goes in your stir fry. Plus, their website has a "build your bowl" option where you can total up the number of calories in your dish. When I build my bowl, I end up getting a meal with relatively low calories for the amount you get. Which leads me to question if it's too good to be true? Does anyone else eat there? Any thoughts?
Hope all is well in bloggy world! Still no exercise for me, I'm not sure why, other than I'm just lazy.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
"No matter how sophisticated or wealthy or broke or enlightened you are, how you eat tells all.
If you suffer about your relationship with food -- you eat too much or too little, think about what you will eat constantly or try not to think about it at all -- you can be free. Just look down at your plate. The answers are there. Don't run. Look. Because when we welcome what we most want to avoid, we contact the part of ourselves that is fresh and alive. We touch the life we truly want and evoke divinity itself.
Since adolescence, Geneen Roth has gained and lost more than a thousand pounds. She has been dangerously overweight and dangerously underweight. She has been plagued by feelings of shame and self-hatred and she has felt euphoric after losing a quick few pounds on a fad diet. Then one day, on the verge of suicide, she did something radical: She dropped the struggle, ended the war, stopped trying to fix, deprive and shame herself. She began trusting her body and questioning her beliefs.
It worked. And losing weight was only the beginning.
She wrote about her discoveries in When Food Is Love, her first New York Times bestseller. She gave huge numbers of women their first insights into compulsive eating and she changed huge numbers of lives for the better.
Now, after more than three decades of studying, teaching and writing about what drives our compul-sions with food, Geneen adds a profound new dimension to her work in Women, Food and God. She begins with her most basic concept: The way you eat is inseparable from your core beliefs about being alive. Your relationship with food is an exact mirror of your feelings about love, fear, anger, meaning, transformation and, yes, even God. But it doesn't stop there. Geneen shows how going beyond both the food and feelings takes you deeper into realms of spirit and soul to the bright center of your own life.
With penetrating insight and irreverent humor, Roth traces food compulsions from subtle beginnings to unexpected ends. She teaches personal examination, showing readers how to use their relationship with food to discover the fulfillment they long for.
Your relationship with food, no matter how conflicted, is the doorway to freedom, says Roth. What you most want to get rid of is itself the doorway to what you want most: the demystification of weight loss and the luminous presence that so many of us call "God."
Packed with revelations on every page, this book is a knock-your-socks-off ride to a deeply fulfilling relationship with food, your body...and almost everything else. Women, Food and God is, quite simply, a guide for life. "
Here's the skinny, to enter, just leave a comment on this post, one comment entry per person. For an extra entry, post about this giveaway on your blog and then leave me a comment with a link back to your blog post. The contest will run until Saturday at midnight and then I'll randomly select a winner.
This should be fun! I'm excited!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
While my eating has been good, I've made mostly good choices and stayed under the calorie budget, my exercise has been pretty nonexistant. There's definitely a pattern with me, I do pretty well at either exercise or eating, but rarely do well at both. The thing is, I FEEL so much better when I exercise. It's a must, really, so getting it together is my only option. I've decided that I'd really like an elliptical at home. Maybe I can find a cheaper used one.
One of you (I think it was Lisa?) suggested a book by Geneen Roth in a comment awhile back. This weekend I picked up "Women, Food, and God." It is really amazing and speaking to me on so many levels. In all honesty, I cried twice by the time I got to page 23 because the book just hits me really hard. It's about coming to terms with your relationship with food and how that relationship really reflects who you are and your core beliefs. As a binge eater, it's a very eye-opening read for me. I'm anxious to finish it and considering doing a blog giveaway with a copy of it. Would anyone be interested in reading it?
Hope all is well is bloggy world.
Oh yeah, and thanks Weight Watcher Wannabe, you have me addicted to frozen grapes :)
Friday, April 16, 2010
Light multigrain english muffin
coffee w/ splenda and half and half
Amy's Tortilla Casserole and Black Bean Bowl (this thing is AWESOME)
Wendy's baked potato (w/ ketchup instead of butter, I know, this grosses people out)
small chili w/ crackers
2 chicken nuggets
Lemon Zest Luna Bar (also YUM)
Buddy Fruit-Apple and Banana
I buy these for my kids but I love them :)
The grand total for calories **drumroll please** 1568!! Yay!
Thanks for your very supportive comments yesterday. They really meant so much more than I can say.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The day started off well enough with a light whole-grain english muffin, almond butter, and peach spread (all fruit type stuff). Then, my son wanted a grill cheese and didn't finish it, so I ate some of that. An hour or so later, I was still hungry so I ate a 100 calorie cottage cheese/peach combo. Then I noticed triscuits on my refrigerator and I ate a serving of those...with spray cheese. Yes, spray cheese. What? That stuff isn't even GOOD. There is no excuse.
Lunch came a few hours later, and it was ok. I made light cheese toast out of another english muffin and had tomato soup. Then, the afternoon snackies set in and I dove into the Easter candy. Gummy life savers, a mini snickers, and a mini hershey bunny later, I was in sugar-coma land. Well, what with the two bites of pie I ate, out of the fridge...not from a plate.
For dinner we had grilled chicken breast, red potato, and roasted asperagus. Sounds great, right? Do the calories that I ate off of my child's plate when I sampled the shells and cheese count? Yeah, I thought so. I topped it all off with an Edy's tangerine bar.
The total calories...are you ready for this one? 2300. Yup, 2300 calories of mostly junk. Junk that I didn't even enjoy. I mean, really, who eats spray cheese? The scary part is, I realized that I was totally out of control and I couldn't get a handle on it. I just couldn't. Late last night when I complained to my husband he said, "Maybe you should accept that this is the weight you're supposed to be and be happy?" For a second, I bought it. For a second, I thought, yeah...I'm ok just the way I am, but that's not true. It's a cop out. It's what I tell myself when I want to "quit" a diet. My health problems that go along with extra weight mean i'm NOT where I'm supposed to be.
There is no other option but success. Getting a handle on my food issues once and for all is the only acceptable outcome here. But, today, I'm scared that I can't do it.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Here's my "after" pic. Sorry for the yucky glass, I had to drink and drive this morning :) It tastes better if you use a pink straw :)
So, there it is. It's not pretty, but I promise it's yummy. You really don't taste the spinach at all. If you're going to try it (and I hope someone is brave enough) I would recommend using either water or juice instead of aloe if you're not used to that taste. Also, I wouldn't add flax the first time, it makes it a little grainy which is tough if you have texture issues. I've also made it with banana and frozen berries, but I didn't like that quite as much. If I'm going to use it as a replacement for a bigger meal (i.e. lunch or dinner) I use the following:
2 cups spinach
1/2 cup ff yogurt
1T natural peanut butter
1 cup frozen berries
1 cup aloe juice
splenda to taste
Anyone brave enough to try this?
Oh yeah, and it's weigh day, and I gained a pound, and let's not talk about it, ok? ;)
Monday, April 12, 2010
It seems like I've been in complete control during the day and then all heck breaks loose at night. I lose my ability to control myself or something. It's very sad. I have all the excuses in the world, we visited family, I was stressed, had a sick child...but really, I didn't do what I needed to do.Needless to say, I had to confess here because I feel certain that tomorrow's weigh-in will be less than pretty. The good news is, I am in control today. I am getting back on track. No, I AM back on track.
In other news, I have a few new favs. The first one is an obsession really. Almond Butter. Oh my goodness. It's amazing. I mean, amazing. This is all Jen's fault. :) I saw her yummy looking breakfasts on her blog and had to buy some. I've only allowed myself one spoonful, but that stuff is heaven!
The second is going to sound gross, but it's not...trust me :) Green Smoothies! Yesterday I chucked 2 cups of fresh spinach, some frozen fruit (I used a cup of mango/pineapple and a fresh banana), and aloe juice into the food processor and had the yummiest lunch. It was fabulous! Not pretty, but fabulous. It's also an excellent way to get in some veggies first thing. I'll take a picture of the next one. If you're feeling brave, whip one up!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Ok, I know this makes total sense physiologically, but ick. This was my problem with weight watchers, when you lose weight the reward is you get to eat less! What?! :) I say this jokingly, because I totally get it, I do. This doesn't mean I'm happy about it, though.
So, I realized I didn't reveal my "truth" from the blog award post. The truth is that I once had to skip a European border. One my graduation trip my mom and I visited 6 countries in 18 days. In Italy, we lost the paperwork that we needed to get back across the border. So, we had to wait until lunch time when there weren't a lot of guards and make it across the border :) It really wasn't that dramatic, but it sounded good.
Happy Blogging, everyone!
Monday, April 5, 2010
One really important lesson that I learned while I was teaching is that children will live up or down to your expectations. Time and time again I saw children treated as if they would not be successful, even told that they wouldn't succeed by their teachers. Time and time again those children would not succeed. I also saw children rise to meet expectations, when they were treated as if success was an option and was expected, they reached their goals. Often times, they exceeded expectations, both theirs and ours.
Just recently I was reminded of this rule and how it's universally applicable. Last week I decided it was time to get serious in the exercise department. I'd tried and failed at completing the couch to 5k program more times than I could count. Mostly because I wasn't getting the workouts in. I posted earlier about trying a new program where I started out run/walking the whole 5k distance and just working on the timing. Using MapMyRun, I determined a route that would be a 5k and set off. I fully expected not to make it the whole way. What do you know? I didn't.
Since last week was spring break for my little ones and they were at my dad's for some much needed grandparent time, I had a LOT of free time and got a lot of workouts in. (6 out of 7 days! Woohoo!) My husband joined me for a few of the workouts and when I said something about wishing we could do a 5k, he said, "we can!" His belief in me gave me belief in myself and, you know what? We did it. Since then, every walk/jog has been a 5k. Now, the time it takes me to go a 5k is abysmal, but it will get better!
One day, on a walk/jog by myself, I decided to change my route. I knew it would be a little longer, but I decided to try it. With renewed enthusiasm, I set off. It was a great workout. I ran a lot more than normal, didn't feel incredibly winded, and actually ENJOYED myself. When I got back home I mapped my run and found it out was a 4 miler! ME! *I* Ran/Walked a 4 miler! It's SO exciting!
All total, last week I ran/walked 6 of 7 days for a total of 20 miles!! So the lesson of the week is, believe in yourself, set your expectations high and you'll achieve more than you thought you could.
(Thus ends the cheesiest blog post of the day!)