Friday, May 27, 2011

Suprise...this post again.

The thing is, i'm struggling. Hard core struggling. This food addiction is consuming my life and I'm letting it. I've been working out like a crazy person, really enjoying the exercise and I DO see an improvement in my overall health. My BP is better. Food wise, though, I'm eating anything and everything and I'm out of control.

Daily I've wanted to post, to reach out and tell you all, those that are left, that i'm lost and i'm wandering, and I can't seem to find my way back to healthy eating. Intellectually, the answer is easy, less food more movement, good choices 85% of the time, and results will follow. If only it were that easy in practice.

Every day is a "new day." A "new start." Every day I think this is it, this is the day when I make better choices, when I stop eating junk, stop the emotional eating, stop the 3:30 trips to the M&M jar at work. These new starts are lucky to make it past lunch. The thing is, this healthy way of life, the weight loss process, is work and right now I feel so beat down, so deafeated, so helpless that I don't think I can do it. It's not I said, I've been working out like crazy....I don't know what it is, but I have to find that motivation somewhere. I have to do this. It's getting scary. I want to enjoy my children, my friends, my clothes, my life. Instead I spend every waking moment thinking about how I hate the way I look and feel, punishing myself for my choices. It's a cycle that I can't seem to break. I'm tired.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dropping in

Hi all! Just dropping in to check in and let you all know that i'm still here. As always, life has been crazy busy. We've had quite a shake-up at the office, and my boys are keeping me hopping at home. Weight loss wise, things remain "ok." I'm exercising regularly now, i'm definitely in a groove with getting up at 4:30 and going to the gym. I signed up for 5 sessions with the personal trainer, so that's going well. Not many pounds have dropped, but the trainer assures me that they will, I just need to keep the faith. Eating is another is a struggle for me and I'm realizing that it always will be. It's never going to be easy...but it just may get easier. The good news is that i'm not completely out of control, just not making the best choices.

The great news is that I really feel like i'm making strides with the mental aspect of this journey. I'm accepting myself, being more forgiving of myself, and I've stopped looking at this like every bad choice is going to break me nutritionally. I have a long way to go, a LONG way to go, but i'll get there.

Medically, things are a different story. The doctors just can't figure out my shoulder pain, so I have lots more tests to do. Hopefully there will be an answer. "You're just a medical mystery" is really not doing it for me.

Hope things are well with all of you. I've been a bad blogging buddy, but I WILL get back in the swing of things!