Derailed, but hopping back on track!

So, it's been awhile since I've posted anything meaningful, it's also been awhile since I've been on track.....

The good news is, yesterday was good and today is going well, things are looking up! Being off track diet and health wise is so tough. It makes me feel awful about myself but I have the hardest time picking myself up and moving forward. I think I'm finally back on track, though! Yay!

One of the most important things to me when I have these de-railed days (weeks...etc) is to figure out what pushed me off track and to look for those sorts of diversions in the future so I can plan ahead. Some of them are preventable altogether, and others I just have to have a game plan so that, when they pop up in my way, I can better deal with them.

There are a few things that I can put my finger on as causes for the latest derailment. First, although it seems too ridiculous to even type, I know that I really felt defeated when I "gained" after being taken off the diuretic for my blood pressure. My brain knew that this was a good thing, it meant I was healthier and doing better with less weight. It really took an emotional toll on me, though, to see the "gain" of water weight. That was the beginning of the downfall. Then, vacation. Ohhh, I'm so bad on vacations. I seem to lose all sense of control and come back heavier than I left. DH and I ate some really good food on our last vacation. The good news is, I was more in control than I usually am, the bad news is, I KNOW there were some moments where I lost control food-wise. (Georgetown cupcakes are amazing...just saying). I maintained, but didn't gain. In a way, that's a victory.

One of the biggest things that I think had led to my stumbling is that I'm having a tough time dealing with my oldest going to Kindergarten. I know, that seems so silly, doesn't it? He's growing up, becoming more independent, and about to embark on one of life's great adventures. As parents, our goal is to raise smart, independent, and confident children and send them off into the world. Kindergarten is part of that, in many ways the first step, and I know that. I know it's a good thing, but my heart breaks that my baby is old enough for this. While school brings so many wonderful things, I know there will also be disappointments and heartbreak, there always is.

Every instinct I have says to protect him and keep him close, but I have to let him grow up. It's hard. I can't help feeling a little sad. Also, my youngest is having a tough time knowing that his brother won't be with him at preschool anymore and is having adjustment issues there. It's so hard to see my babies unhappy. One of the best things that I can do for them, however, is to remain upbeat and positive about this next step in our lives, so I do. This means that I'm burying my emotions, though, and if there's one thing I'm good at, it's emotional eating.

Now, I just have to learn from these little stumbles and move forward, and I will. While I can't let the scale dictate my emotions, like I did with my water weight gain, I also know that I can't abandon the scale. Without it, I'm so much less accountable and I get a little too free with my eating. So, I am going to try weighing once a week. Yes...once a week. We'll see if my scale addiction can be broken! In terms of vacation, well....we don't have one coming for awhile, but, this one was better food-wise, far from perfect, but better. I'll have to plan for the next trip, plan my meals better and allow for some "treats" but not to go overboard. I also need to plan to exercise!

Emotional eating is, and probably always will be my biggest stumbling block on the journey to better health. I don't have any easy answers here, but I have had some success when I stop and ask myself WHY i'm eating something. If I can't identify true hunger, I put it down and walk away. This doesn't always work. In fact, twice lately I KNEW I wasn't hungry and KNEW that I was eating to fill a void or feel happier, but I did it anyway. At least I identified the problem...right? Baby steps!


So, I'm back. I promise to post more, read more blogs, comment more! I've missed my blogging buddies.

Leavin' On A Jet Plane and a NSV

That's SCOTUS-the Supreme Court of the United States. I'm a law geek, what can I say?

That's right, I'm leaving on a jet plane tomorrow! I'm very excited to be going to visit my brother near Washington, D.C. I'm taking both of my little men and my mom. My father and his wife will be there, too. We're all going to celebrate an important milestone for my brother. It's going to be a blast! The plan is to attend the ceremony and then take the kids to the zoo. The next day we'll hit the Smithsonian (or one of them) and then head to the airport to come home. It'll be a fast trip, but so much fun. I'm psyched!

The one thing I'm worried about? Food! I know, you're shocked, right? :) Keeping my eating under control while travelling is always an issue. Keeping my eating under control around my family is an issue. Keeping my eating under control around my family and food? Well, let's just say it rarely goes well. There are already plans to go to an amazing sushi restaurant AND the pancake house, which has the MOST amazing pancakes in the world. My plan is to make good food choices, keep portions under control, and try very very hard not to let this overshadow the trip. Think I can do it? I hope so!

I also had a really small non-scale victory (NSV). Today for lunch I met several friends at a local restaurant that has the BEST onion rings. I've been craving onion rings for weeks. The "good for you" version I posted below did well for awhile, but I wanted the real thing. I told myself that I could order them and eat a few, that was a reasonable choice. In all honesty, I didn't know if I was just rationalizing so I could eat them. So, I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with no cheese and sauce on the side and O-rings. They came out, the plate was huge. This was going to be difficult. I dumped the bun, ate half the chicken breast with half the BBQ sauce, the pickle, and the tomato slice. Only THEN did I allow myself an onion ring. I ate 4. Less than half of what was on the plate. Then, I decided I was full, pushed the plate away, and was done. Victory!!!!!!! Felt full, not stuffed, and, most importantly, I felt satisfied.

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)