Derailed, but hopping back on track!

So, it's been awhile since I've posted anything meaningful, it's also been awhile since I've been on track.....

The good news is, yesterday was good and today is going well, things are looking up! Being off track diet and health wise is so tough. It makes me feel awful about myself but I have the hardest time picking myself up and moving forward. I think I'm finally back on track, though! Yay!

One of the most important things to me when I have these de-railed days (weeks...etc) is to figure out what pushed me off track and to look for those sorts of diversions in the future so I can plan ahead. Some of them are preventable altogether, and others I just have to have a game plan so that, when they pop up in my way, I can better deal with them.

There are a few things that I can put my finger on as causes for the latest derailment. First, although it seems too ridiculous to even type, I know that I really felt defeated when I "gained" after being taken off the diuretic for my blood pressure. My brain knew that this was a good thing, it meant I was healthier and doing better with less weight. It really took an emotional toll on me, though, to see the "gain" of water weight. That was the beginning of the downfall. Then, vacation. Ohhh, I'm so bad on vacations. I seem to lose all sense of control and come back heavier than I left. DH and I ate some really good food on our last vacation. The good news is, I was more in control than I usually am, the bad news is, I KNOW there were some moments where I lost control food-wise. (Georgetown cupcakes are amazing...just saying). I maintained, but didn't gain. In a way, that's a victory.

One of the biggest things that I think had led to my stumbling is that I'm having a tough time dealing with my oldest going to Kindergarten. I know, that seems so silly, doesn't it? He's growing up, becoming more independent, and about to embark on one of life's great adventures. As parents, our goal is to raise smart, independent, and confident children and send them off into the world. Kindergarten is part of that, in many ways the first step, and I know that. I know it's a good thing, but my heart breaks that my baby is old enough for this. While school brings so many wonderful things, I know there will also be disappointments and heartbreak, there always is.

Every instinct I have says to protect him and keep him close, but I have to let him grow up. It's hard. I can't help feeling a little sad. Also, my youngest is having a tough time knowing that his brother won't be with him at preschool anymore and is having adjustment issues there. It's so hard to see my babies unhappy. One of the best things that I can do for them, however, is to remain upbeat and positive about this next step in our lives, so I do. This means that I'm burying my emotions, though, and if there's one thing I'm good at, it's emotional eating.

Now, I just have to learn from these little stumbles and move forward, and I will. While I can't let the scale dictate my emotions, like I did with my water weight gain, I also know that I can't abandon the scale. Without it, I'm so much less accountable and I get a little too free with my eating. So, I am going to try weighing once a week. Yes...once a week. We'll see if my scale addiction can be broken! In terms of vacation, well....we don't have one coming for awhile, but, this one was better food-wise, far from perfect, but better. I'll have to plan for the next trip, plan my meals better and allow for some "treats" but not to go overboard. I also need to plan to exercise!

Emotional eating is, and probably always will be my biggest stumbling block on the journey to better health. I don't have any easy answers here, but I have had some success when I stop and ask myself WHY i'm eating something. If I can't identify true hunger, I put it down and walk away. This doesn't always work. In fact, twice lately I KNEW I wasn't hungry and KNEW that I was eating to fill a void or feel happier, but I did it anyway. At least I identified the problem...right? Baby steps!


So, I'm back. I promise to post more, read more blogs, comment more! I've missed my blogging buddies.