Monday, June 21, 2010

The dreaded swim party...and what I learned.

Well, I posted a few posts back about freaking out because my son was invited to a swim party and I didn't want to wear a swim suit, but that it turned out to be a sprinkler party. He got another one and this invite was DEFINITELY for a swim party and I was definitely going to have to get in. My 5 year old has had swimming lessons, can't quite "swim" yet, so getting in was going to be required. Cue the panic. I tried on my suit about a million times, checking from all angles for the "worst case scenario." It was pretty bad, but, I have vowed not to let my weight stop my sons from having fun. So, I put on the suit, packed a bag and set off.

We got there a tad late, and, as always, I was the heaviest one there. (Does anyone else do this? Look around to see if you're the heaviest? I ALWAYS do this). Then, I look in the bag. I forgot my t-shirt to swim in. I thought I was going to cry. There was no choice, though, the skinny, cute moms were already in the pool. When I looked around, I noticed everyone had a suit with either a skirt or shorts. Not me, mine was the most revealing! ACK! With no other choice, I just got in. I spent the whole time embarrassed and wishing it was over. The joy I felt at losing 30lbs was gone and replaced by lots of self loathing. That horribly mean inner voice of mine was on a rampage and I'm almost positive the whole experience is what led to some seriously poor eating choices. Why is it that when I feel bad about my weight I think a piece of cake will make me feel better?The good news is, my son had a good time :)

I did learn a lesson from all this. Even the skinny cute moms felt self-conscious. They were all covering what they perceived to be trouble spots. Even my good friend who is super cute, super skinny, and a runner was worried. I was not alone, although it felt like it. I'm pretty sure that nobody really cared what I looked like, and, if they did, it was fleeting. Somewhere along this path I'm going to have to learn to love myself for who I am and not what I look like or what the scale says. Now, any tips on how to do just that?


  1. Hey there..

    I think your fantastic. You have done so great on your weight loss and you shouldn't let your self feel bad ever..
    I think your are so brave for getting to the swim party. Your a fantastic mum.
    You put your fears aside and just did it.
    I wish there was some words of wisdom I had for you but im in the same boat. But id of stayed home and not went due to my chicken shit ways.. :)
    The only thing I can say is don't ever ever down play your weight loss success. Your doing good. This is a really good accomplishment and don't forget it.
    Everytime I say something negative my hubby pipes in and says Tosh, say your mantra.. Im suppose to say some positive stuff to myself. LOL
    Well I haven't come up with anything as my "mantra" but when I do I will let you know.. HAHAHA
    I think we all just need to start treating our self like were our own best friend. Kind words and stuff like that. Ive said it before and ill say it again.. Half the stuff i say to my self when it pertains to my body I wouldn't even say to my worst enemies..
    Its time to stop this crap for sure..... We deserve kind words for sure....

    Keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!

  2. This is something we ALL struggle with. I'm proud of you for going at all and not letting it hold you back. You could have but you didn't. You can do this and we will be here to help you.

  3. Everytime I step out the door, I tell myself that I am courageous! And I remind myself where I've come from. Six months ago, I was breaking chairs, could only lift 7 pounds and was 2 sizes bigger. Now I'm a different person, in 6 more months I will be even better. Remember next year, when you go to the party, you will knock their socks off. Keep going and don't stop!!!

  4. I think it is great that you put your boys first. You were just a mom, at a pool party, showing your boys a good time. And that is the analysis you should use to love yourself for who you are :)

    Your job as a mom is the most important, and one you are succeeding in. When you see famous or accomplished people beaming with pride and speaking, you never hear them say "I would like to thank my mom for being so skinny." They always say "I would like to thank my mom for always being there for me." Keep up the good work :)

  5. Good for you getting out there. I go to the pool all the time, even though I weigh 260 something...screw them, I'm not losing out on enjoying myself. I know what you mean about evaluating who's the heaviest...I do this too, although since I live in Asia, it's almost ALWAYS me. As far as kind words...I need to learn that myself. My last post was sort of self-venomous. When you figure it out will you let me know?

  6. Thanks for writing about this. The moms at my pool party had no reservations about parading around in their bikinis. It is at least nice to know that your moms had some self consciousness.