Saturday, February 13, 2010

How I got here, and where am I going?

How did I get here? How did I wake up at this weight, in this body? Well, I suppose that's an easy answer. I ate too much, too much of the wrong things. The more interesting and complex question is WHY, what drove me to the overeating? This is a question I have to get to the root of, I truly believe I won't be able to make a successful lifestyle change without discovering the driving force behind my behavior.

On some level, I know the answer, or at least part of it. In my house, food was love. If you loved something, you fed it. In turn, if someone you loved was trying to feed you, you ate what they were offering. Growing up in that environment has created a HUGE emotional connection to food. I know that some people don't understand that, but when you grow up equating food with love, it can be comfort. I'm learning not to look at food as comfort but as fuel. Slowly. Certainly in stressful or emotional times it's much harder, but I'm learning. I'm also working on discovering other driving forces behind my behavior.

Yesterday my husband surprised me with a wonderful candlelit dinner to celebrate my birthday. It was wonderful, romantic, and truly touching. It was also calorie-dense. I was pretty resigned that I'd go over my calorie limit, but tried to make the best choices possible and only eat small portions of the things that I knew were not smart calorie choices. The result? I pushed the top end of my calorie range, but I stayed in it! Yay!!! I enjoyed a wonderful meal with my husband, did not feel deprived, but stayed in control. This is SUCH a victory for me!

Where am I going?? I promised to set some concrete goals, so here they are, or at least some of them:

1. Complete the couch to 5k running program.
2. Run a full 5k.
3. Short term weight loss goal: Lose 30lbs.

A friend at work and I are considering doing the Disney Expedition Everest 5k challenge. It looks like so much fun!! If I'm going to do it, though, I HAVE to get my butt in gear with the exercise.

Ok, I've started to ramble, so I'm wrapping this one up. Happy weight loss everyone!


  1. I completely understand how our child history directly coorelates with our current weight/food issues.

    I don't know if you've read any Geneen Roth books, but she has one that is about food and love.

    Congratulations on eating a great meal with your husband and staying in control. That is a huge success!!

  2. Thanks! I'll definitely check out Roth's books. I was also thinking of looking for a workbook type thing to work through some of the food issues.