A long time coming

This blog has been a long time coming. I have started and restarted diets more times than I'd care to count, lost and regained many more pounds than I actually weigh, and given up every food group there is at one point. Low carb, no carb, low fat, the grapefruit diet, slim fast, weight watchers....you name the diet, I've probably tried it.

Just a week ago, I "restarted" again. This time, there's no fad diet, no miracle cure, no weird food, no forbidden food, just a calorie goal. The idea is, I'm going to eat between 1400-1800 calories a day. This seems like a huge range, and I may reduce it at some point. Right now, I'm trying to fine tune my eating habits, make better choices, and not be TOO hard on myself. No food is off limits, the calories just have to hit that limit. Of course, I've tried this one before, but this time feels different, this time I'm going to do it. It's already been a week! Even as I type that I can hear my inner voice saying, "it feels different RIGHT NOW. That will change...you won't do it, you'll be fat forever." Gosh, I hate that inner voice! My "voice" says things to me that I'd never say to another soul, ugly things, hateful things. I have to quiet that voice.

There are so many inspiring weight loss stories out there. So many wonderful people who have successfully changed their lives for the better. People that are healthier, happier, and more fit. Just a few of these people that have inspired and are continuing to inspire me are Sean, Chubby Chick, one mom, the token fat girl, Rachel, and Monica. They've inspired me to try one more time, and to blog about it along the way. Who knows, I may never have any readers, but if I do, I hope they keep me accountable.

Goodness, I have a lot to "say" about this journey, the motivations, the obstacles, the hopes. It's really about so much more than weight loss. It's about learning to love myself, forgiving my mistakes, becoming healthy, and daring to set big goals. For now I think I'll just leave you with my "wish list" of what I hope I gain during this endeavor.

1. Weight loss- Ideally, I'd like to lose 100lbs. However, in reality, I'd just like a trimmer, healthier body.

2. Better health. I'm 32, and i'm on blood pressure medicine. A LOT of it.

3. Increased athleticism. I'd really like to start jogging again. I'd LOVE to run a whole 5k. RUN the whole 5k. Ok...really, I'd love to run a half marathon one day. Wow, that's laughable right now...but I'm putting it out there.

4. Learning to love myself. I'm really good about worrying about everyone else but me. It's time that I learn to put myself first sometimes, and learn that my needs are as important as other people's.

So, those are the general goals for now. I am going to sit down and really work on some concrete reachable goals and not just abstract "wishes". Here I go again!