Thursday, April 15, 2010


Today I'm scared. Scared that I'm slipping back into my old ways. If yesterday is any indication, I SHOULD be scared. Because my youngest was sick, I stayed home. The day started off right, eating-wise, but it quickly spun out of control. I'm going to fess up here, because I feel accountable to the blog world. Hopefully that accountability will equal success.

The day started off well enough with a light whole-grain english muffin, almond butter, and peach spread (all fruit type stuff). Then, my son wanted a grill cheese and didn't finish it, so I ate some of that. An hour or so later, I was still hungry so I ate a 100 calorie cottage cheese/peach combo. Then I noticed triscuits on my refrigerator and I ate a serving of those...with spray cheese. Yes, spray cheese. What? That stuff isn't even GOOD. There is no excuse.

Lunch came a few hours later, and it was ok. I made light cheese toast out of another english muffin and had tomato soup. Then, the afternoon snackies set in and I dove into the Easter candy. Gummy life savers, a mini snickers, and a mini hershey bunny later, I was in sugar-coma land. Well, what with the two bites of pie I ate, out of the fridge...not from a plate.

For dinner we had grilled chicken breast, red potato, and roasted asperagus. Sounds great, right? Do the calories that I ate off of my child's plate when I sampled the shells and cheese count? Yeah, I thought so. I topped it all off with an Edy's tangerine bar.

The total calories...are you ready for this one? 2300. Yup, 2300 calories of mostly junk. Junk that I didn't even enjoy. I mean, really, who eats spray cheese? The scary part is, I realized that I was totally out of control and I couldn't get a handle on it. I just couldn't. Late last night when I complained to my husband he said, "Maybe you should accept that this is the weight you're supposed to be and be happy?" For a second, I bought it. For a second, I thought, yeah...I'm ok just the way I am, but that's not true. It's a cop out. It's what I tell myself when I want to "quit" a diet. My health problems that go along with extra weight mean i'm NOT where I'm supposed to be.

There is no other option but success. Getting a handle on my food issues once and for all is the only acceptable outcome here. But, today, I'm scared that I can't do it.


  1. I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. Yesterday started off great and continued great until...10:30 pm....Then the craziness began. I'm going at it from a new approach today... Take one day at a time and learn something along the way.

    P.S. I eat spray cheese. Is it healthier if I put it on

  2. We all have bad days. I understand your fears, but in your "old ways", would you have counted the calories and known what you ate?

    I think instead of being so hard on yourself, praise yourself that you caught this before it became a pattern again.

    You have to think, how long were you like you used to be compared to how long you have been doing the right things? We all take steps backward when our focus is elsewhere (like on our sick children).

    I have faith in you - you're doing and will continue to do great!

  3. I sat down a couple of hours ago and read a few pages of a mystery.(I probably haven't read a novel in the afternoon in DECADES.) A line I read crossed my mind as I read your post.

    Here it is: "When I was a young cop on the mainland, a sergeant told me never to ignore a sense of uneasiness, and, if I felt scared, get ready to fight."

    Get ready to fight, girlfriend, get ready to fight! You're gonna win this thing.


    P.S. You might be interested in my last post at