Today I'm scared. Scared that I'm slipping back into my old ways. If yesterday is any indication, I SHOULD be scared. Because my youngest was sick, I stayed home. The day started off right, eating-wise, but it quickly spun out of control. I'm going to fess up here, because I feel accountable to the blog world. Hopefully that accountability will equal success.
The day started off well enough with a light whole-grain english muffin, almond butter, and peach spread (all fruit type stuff). Then, my son wanted a grill cheese and didn't finish it, so I ate some of that. An hour or so later, I was still hungry so I ate a 100 calorie cottage cheese/peach combo. Then I noticed triscuits on my refrigerator and I ate a serving of those...with spray cheese. Yes, spray cheese. What? That stuff isn't even GOOD. There is no excuse.
Lunch came a few hours later, and it was ok. I made light cheese toast out of another english muffin and had tomato soup. Then, the afternoon snackies set in and I dove into the Easter candy. Gummy life savers, a mini snickers, and a mini hershey bunny later, I was in sugar-coma land. Well, what with the two bites of pie I ate, out of the fridge...not from a plate.
For dinner we had grilled chicken breast, red potato, and roasted asperagus. Sounds great, right? Do the calories that I ate off of my child's plate when I sampled the shells and cheese count? Yeah, I thought so. I topped it all off with an Edy's tangerine bar.
The total calories...are you ready for this one? 2300. Yup, 2300 calories of mostly junk. Junk that I didn't even enjoy. I mean, really, who eats spray cheese? The scary part is, I realized that I was totally out of control and I couldn't get a handle on it. I just couldn't. Late last night when I complained to my husband he said, "Maybe you should accept that this is the weight you're supposed to be and be happy?" For a second, I bought it. For a second, I thought, yeah...I'm ok just the way I am, but that's not true. It's a cop out. It's what I tell myself when I want to "quit" a diet. My health problems that go along with extra weight mean i'm NOT where I'm supposed to be.
There is no other option but success. Getting a handle on my food issues once and for all is the only acceptable outcome here. But, today, I'm scared that I can't do it.