Sometime long ago a man in my life told me that the sexiest place on a woman is her clavicles, or collar bones. For the life of me, I can't remember WHO said it or what my relationship with him was, but for some reason, this has stuck with me for awhile. What's funny is, I don't know if I agree or disagree, I've never spent much time thinking about what makes other women sexy, but I've often thought about this man's idea of "sexy."
Perhaps his perspective bothered me so much because my clavicles haven't seen the light of day for many years. I'm sure that I HAVE clavicles, it's just that they've been covered by fluffiness for so long that I haven't actually seen them in awhile. But, I tend to check for mine daily. I had yet to see any solid proof that they exist, until recently. Seems that I have developed little "indents" above where those sneaky collar bones should be! Maybe they are going to make an appearance!
It seems exceedingly silly to admit all this to the blog world, but, to me, him saying that was a defining moment. Although, I can't remember much about the circumstances surrounding the conversation, I distinctly remember thinking, well...guess I'll never be sexy. Anyone who has struggled with weight issues will know the feeling. You know, the one that feels like someone punched you in the gut because you just realized one more way that your weight serves as a barrier between you and the rest of the world?
There have been several of those moments in my life. Once, when I was around 15, I was laying in the floor while my family watched TV. I was reading or doing homework, or something and a family member was looking at me. When I looked up he said that I really was getting fat and that men don't love fat women. It was such a blow. In fact, I'm pretty sure that was one of the moments where I learned not to love myself and that I was unworthy of anyone else's love. This is really something that I have to work on. Getting to the emotional reasons behind my issues with weight is really the only way that I can really be successful.
Wow, this post just became much deeper than I originally intended and I think I need to marinate on it. Although it's a little scary, i'm going to publish this anyway.
Anyway, coming attractions include, my clavicles! :)
It'a amazing how someone can say something so careless in a moment and it sticks with us for life. I completely relate. I wasn't overweight until after highschool, but my parents feared I would be fat as long as I can remember. The message was clear...fat equals unlovable and failure. I wish I could erase all the weight related comments I've heard in my life. I know I hear them way too often in my mind now. Someone can say something once and then we repeat it thousands of times over the years. My weight goes hand in hand with emotions.
ReplyDeleteI understand :) We just have to dig deep and uncover the root of our weight. Then dig it up once and for all.
Well put Lisa... People can really suck and if only they knew the crap they say can impact someone for the rest of there lives.. ARGGGGGG I think we have all been there one time or another playing a conversation or something someone said to us over and over again...
ReplyDeleteThat's really evil. People should realize how this impacts kids. I remember feeling that I was fat as a kid, and looking back at the pictures, I definitely was not. But because I felt fat, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
ReplyDelete