Sometime long ago a man in my life told me that the sexiest place on a woman is her clavicles, or collar bones. For the life of me, I can't remember WHO said it or what my relationship with him was, but for some reason, this has stuck with me for awhile. What's funny is, I don't know if I agree or disagree, I've never spent much time thinking about what makes other women sexy, but I've often thought about this man's idea of "sexy."
Perhaps his perspective bothered me so much because my clavicles haven't seen the light of day for many years. I'm sure that I HAVE clavicles, it's just that they've been covered by fluffiness for so long that I haven't actually seen them in awhile. But, I tend to check for mine daily. I had yet to see any solid proof that they exist, until recently. Seems that I have developed little "indents" above where those sneaky collar bones should be! Maybe they are going to make an appearance!
It seems exceedingly silly to admit all this to the blog world, but, to me, him saying that was a defining moment. Although, I can't remember much about the circumstances surrounding the conversation, I distinctly remember thinking, well...guess I'll never be sexy. Anyone who has struggled with weight issues will know the feeling. You know, the one that feels like someone punched you in the gut because you just realized one more way that your weight serves as a barrier between you and the rest of the world?
There have been several of those moments in my life. Once, when I was around 15, I was laying in the floor while my family watched TV. I was reading or doing homework, or something and a family member was looking at me. When I looked up he said that I really was getting fat and that men don't love fat women. It was such a blow. In fact, I'm pretty sure that was one of the moments where I learned not to love myself and that I was unworthy of anyone else's love. This is really something that I have to work on. Getting to the emotional reasons behind my issues with weight is really the only way that I can really be successful.
Wow, this post just became much deeper than I originally intended and I think I need to marinate on it. Although it's a little scary, i'm going to publish this anyway.
Anyway, coming attractions include, my clavicles! :)