I lost it

Yesterday, I lost it. There's no other explanation. I just lost it. I lost it and I binged and now I have to 'fess up. It started off easily enough, I had a cup of blueberry cobbler coffee, which is exactly as gross as it sounds, and a clif mojo bar. Not bad, not bad at all.

Later, my MIL took the kids for the day, so hubby and I decided to go out for lunch together. He suggested my most favorite Mexican place. This is the point where I should have said no, but, I didn't. Here's the kicker. I agreed to that restaurant pretty much knowing what would happen. I agreed KNOWING that it would lead to a binge and a busted calorie day. Agreeing, I gave myself permission for a binge. Why? Why would I do that?

Instead of ordering quesadillas w/ guacamole, chips, salsa and cheese dip, like I used to do, I did a little better and ordered grilled chicken tacos, hold the cheese, add pico. Not bad, right? Even better is that I ate only ONE taco. Of course, I only ate one taco because I had pretty much eaten my weight in chips and salsa.

We picked up the kids and took them home. My oldest has been sick and has eaten next to nothing for a few days so we told him he could pick whatever he wanted for dinner. He picked pizza. You see where this is going, right? I decided that I'd order myself a personal veggie pizza to avoid the meat. I did, and I ate that. The boys then wanted to make cake....so, we did and, well, I ate that. I also snacked on their stuffed pizza crust. All total, sparkpeople says I ate almost 2000 calories. I wouldn't be surprised if it was really more.

There is no question, I was completely and totally out of control. It was a nightmare. I wasn't even hungry, I was just eating because it was there. Today I paid the price. The scale was up higher than it has been the last few days, I feel gross, all bloated and icky, and I'm craving junk. Today, though, I have to fight it. Get it back into gear. The inner voices are saying, "you already blew it, just forget it." But, I can't. I can't forget it. My health and my life with my family is too important.